Our Firewalls
Our firewalls are not just any firewalls, they're prophets! They'll predict with 100% accuracy when your website will go down, and for exactly 5.4 seconds.
But wait, there's more! Our firewalls also come with a 100% guarantee: we'll definitely crash on Fridays, and possibly on Mondays, Tuesdays, or Wednesdays.
Purchasing Information
Prices start at $999.99, and go up to $1,499.99 for our deluxe package, which includes a complimentary bottle of "I Told You So" cologne.
To purchase, simply click here to download our 47-page order form.